“Waking Up from a Nightmare Only to Find You’re a Meme: Bob’s (Not Bob’s) Story”

[A small, poorly lit stage. On one side, there’s a large, comically enormous computer screen. On the other, there’s a table with various “security products” – oversized firewall, a large can labeled ‘VPN’, and a massive magnifying glass for “phishing detection”. In the middle stands BOB, the overenthusiastic host.]

BOB: Folks! Are you tired of people spying on your computer screen? Sick of being the latest gossip at the coffee break of misguided tech afficianados?

AUDIENCE MEMBER: They do that?

BOB: Probably not, but with our top 10 list, you’ll be the most boring thing they never watched!

[BOB points at the screen, and it lights up with the words “AWARENESS IS THE FIRST STEP”]

BOB: Step 1: Awareness! Know that there’s a problem!

AUDIENCE MEMBER: What’s the problem?

BOB: That you’re aware! And if you’re not… now you are!

[The screen changes to show a giant firewall.]

BOB: Step 2: Boost that firewall! Make it so strong, even your grandma can’t send you her chain emails!

AUDIENCE MEMBER: But my grandma sends me cookies!

BOB: Great, now just imagine those cookies are hackers and eat them!

[The screen shows a huge can labeled ‘VPN’.]

BOB: Step 3: Get a VPN! Not all VPNs are created equal, so make sure yours isn’t from a cereal box.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: But the cereal box promised me privacy!

BOB: And a toy. But did you get the toy?


BOB: Exactly!

[The screen now displays the words “SECURE BROWSING”]

BOB: Step 4: Secure browsing. Because using Chrome’s incognito mode is like whispering in a stadium. Try a new browser, or even… reading a book!

AUDIENCE MEMBER: What’s a book?

BOB: Old school privacy.

[The screen shows a huge magnifying glass.]

BOB: Step 7: Beware of Phishing! If the email says you’ve inherited a million dollars from a prince, it’s probably not your long-lost cousin.

AUDIENCE MEMBER: But he said he knows my dog!

BOB: Your dog emailed him?


[The screen showcases a group of cartoon people.]

BOB: Step 9: Educate and inform. Because telling grandma not to click on that suspicious link is the new “Helping her cross the street”.

[The screen shows a big sign “DIGITAL RIGHTS”]

BOB: Step 10: Advocate for digital rights! Because if we shout loud enough, someone, somewhere, might finally close their window blinds!

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Why didn’t we start with that?

BOB: Because… awareness!

[BOB dramatically collapses onto a chair.]

BOB: (Wiping sweat) There you have it, folks! 10 surefire steps to keep those pesky spies away from your screens!

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Or… we could just turn off the computer?

BOB: (Pauses) Now where’s the fun in that?

[Curtains close…Or do they?]

The scene begins with the familiar visage of Bob, suddenly sitting up, drenched in the cold sweat of panic. He’s just emerged from a dream — not the kind where you’re being chased by a toothbrush-wielding duck or showing up pants-less for a public speech, but one that holds a haunting mirror to a modern technological menace.

For a fleeting moment, our friend Bob (or so we’ve been led to believe) is horrified at the thought of being trapped in a tired movie cliché. You know, the kind where everything was just “all a dream.” But hold onto your cyber-socks, dear reader, because the reality is grimmer than any nightmare of oversized flying creatures with Buffalo Wings. It makes “Old School Privacy Pandemonium Moments” look like amateur hour.

Enter the “Newest New School”. It’s not the technology per se that has Bob losing more than just sleep. It’s the knowledge that there are humans, probably snickering behind neon-lit screens, who shouldn’t even be allowed near a toaster, let alone the marvels of modern-day tech.

As the existential fog clears, Bob — or the man we once mistook for him — comes to a chilling realization. He isn’t Bob. Not Rob. Not Bobby. Not even Bobert. No, he’s been unceremoniously dubbed an acronym: P.L.W.T.F.W.H.A.I.D.B. And no, it’s not a new trendy sandwich. It stands for “People who are Less Worried about the Technology than it Falling into the Wrong Hands of AI DoBadders.”

But Bob’s not-so-happy discovery doesn’t end there. He isn’t a lone acronym wandering this vast digital wilderness. There are many more out there, unsuspecting caricatures in this eerily animated reality. Call it the digital Twilight Zone, if you will.

Unbeknownst to many, remote viewing of your computer screen has become the next great pandemic. And not even the “duck covered in a white sheet” kind of scary, this is the real deal. From your benign Google searches to that embarrassing 3 AM impulse buy, someone might just be watching.

Sadly, the assurances of technology won’t save you. Don’t bother refraining from clicking suspicious links, downloading the next “ultimate” malware protection app, fine-tuning that firewall, or rushing to get the latest VPN. It’s like trying to fend off a bear with a plastic spoon.

So the next time you find yourself ‘waking up’ in a digital daze, take a moment to chuckle at Bob’s plight. Because laughter might be the only firewall that remains unbreachable. For now.